Seeking parental spanking-Dear Parents: “No Spanking” Says APA | Psychology Today

Verified by Psychology Today. Moral Landscapes. The American Psychological Association came out with a resolution on February 18, , against spanking and corporal punishment of children. The resolution cites considerable research supporting its conclusions. See press release and download the full document here.

Seeking parental spanking

Seeking parental spanking

While stopping the behavior temporarily, it does not teach alternative behavior. Be proactive: good discipline is proactive, rather than reactive. Katie Gagnon PhillyVoice Contributor. Replies to my comment. Monitor the situation to ensure Seeing your child won't experience Seeking parental spanking real danger. Rubber nipple salesmen torrent on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk. Recovering from being spanked is a personal, often private, journey. Oxford, England: Wiley-Blackwell. Five black youths, ages 12 to Submitted by Dr. Prevent patental problems by catching your child being good.

Lose weight for a pageant. The science is clear on the negative effects of corporal punishment.

Do Seeking parental spanking allow your child to negotiate out of the consequence. No, this does not mean to give in to their every whim. I wasn't listening or taking her advice, I wanted to complain. Carolina, Oct I would have been around In it was an article claiming that sometimes women what a man to spank them. Related wikiHows. A student describes his paddling. Those reasons are not too different from what you will hear reported by Seeking parental spanking practising domestic parenttal today. He held me locked over his lap, whipping his hand into me with terrible impact over and over. A new report Private burial grounds in kentucky that paddlings are high in Alabama. Some readers may find these scenes distasteful or harrowing.

Professional consensus exists against the spanking of infants based on the risk of escalation and injury.

  • I really enjoyed the break down of the spankings!
  • This is a true story which occurred in Michigan, United States.
  • HA note: These five stories are the perspectives of five sisters, with psuedonyms taken from the seven sisters from greek mythology.
  • Show less

Verified by Psychology Today. Moral Landscapes. The American Psychological Association came out with a resolution on February 18, , against spanking and corporal punishment of children. The resolution cites considerable research supporting its conclusions.

See press release and download the full document here. The resolution goes further in advocating culturally appropriate education for positive parenting and funding for research on parenting related to disciplinary matters. Children develop their sense of the world from how they are treated, imitate the behaviors of those around them, and form the relational habits of treating others the way they were treated Narvaez, Sometimes parents have difficulty controlling their impulses when their child triggers shame or anger in them.

In this case, parents need to heal themselves and learn to let go of the past to be emotionally and responsively present to their children. Susan Stiffelman points out in her book, Parenting with Presence , , p. Daniel Hughes and Jonathan Baylin in their book, Brain-Based Parenting , help parents take steps to heal their own relational style and establish PACE playfulness, acceptance, curiosity, empathy.

Discipline becomes coached respect and responsibility, not punishment. Hughes, D. Brain-based parenting: The neuroscience of caregiving for healthy attachment. New York: W. Narvaez, D. Fry Ed. New York: Oxford University Press. Neurobiology and the development of human morality: Evolution, culture and wisdom. New York, NY: W. Baselines for virtue. Annas, D. The developmental niche for peace. Peters Eds. Oxford, England: Wiley-Blackwell.

Nicholson, B. Attached at the heart: Eight proven parenting principles for raising connected and compassionate children. Stiffelman, S. Parenting with presence. Five black youths, ages 12 to 16, recently murdered a White musician in Nasvhville in cold blood. Do we need to debate whether or not they were spanked? Darcia Narvaez, Ph. Indigenous worldviews are missing from western psychology. Journalist Johann Hari describes several potential ways to get your life back.

Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. Is Autism Becoming Neurodiversity? Darcia F. Narvaez Ph. Follow me on Twitter. Friend me on Faceook. Connect with me on LinkedIn. The research on the adverse outcomes associated with physical discipline indicates that any perceived short-term benefits of physical discipline do not outweigh the detriments of this form of discipline. Research has shown that children learn from the behavior modeled by parents, and therefore physical discipline may teach undesirable conflict resolution practices.

There is evidence that physical discipline may escalate into injurious behavior that meets accepted criteria for abuse. Socially acceptable disciplinary goals of education , training, and socialization of children can be achieved without the use of physical discipline. Children have a right to be treated with dignity and respect. So it can happen that our children's misbehavior [what we perceive as misbehavior] truly does become a gift, because if we are willing to look within instead of projecting our hurts onto them, we can work through unfinished emotional business.

The movement toward positive parenting is growing. Welcome aboard, APA! References Hughes, D. I thought positive parenting was already a growing movement for the last 30 years?

Five black youths, ages 12 to Submitted by Dr. Spock's Schlock on February 26, - pm. Maybe if someone had spanked them, they would've realized there are consequences to bad choices. Submitted by. Post Comment Your name. E-mail The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.

Notify me when new comments are posted. All comments. Replies to my comment. Leave this field blank. About the Author. In Print:. Research Website. View Author Profile. More Posts. Indigenous Psychologies from Around the World Indigenous worldviews are missing from western psychology. Indigenous Psychologies Contrast with Western Psychology Is it time to expand psychological theories? Pathways Out of Depression Journalist Johann Hari describes several potential ways to get your life back.

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There are laws that control or prohibit spanking in some countries. After that we saw our mom on alternate weekends only, and lived at home with dad. Five clips of formal if illegal CP by police or prison officials. The researchers concluded that spanking disobedient 2- to 6-year-olds worked just as well at reforming their behavior as 13 alternative disciplinary approaches such as giving a time-out, reasoning with a child, and taking away privileges as long as the parent lovingly and rationally explained the reasons for the action. The most effective logical consequences should be related to the behavior. They should not induce excessive pain, but should be pleasurable for the wife and the husband.

Seeking parental spanking

Seeking parental spanking

Seeking parental spanking

Seeking parental spanking. Parental Discipline

May Scenes of the accused at the court premises. June Freshly whipped lads seen in the court corridors. June Scenes of the accused at the court premises. May The convict is seen being escorted through the court buildings at his trial.

Jan Scenes in court precincts as man to be caned for sexual offences is led to and fro. Dec Two young men are paraded before TV cameras on the courtroom steps after being sentenced to strokes of the rotan for rape and robbery. Australian TV report, Feb , on Malaysia's efforts, aided by the Australian government, to track down illegal immigrants and the people responsible for smuggling them.

The Malaysian authorities remain unrepentant about their tough stance, which includes caning. An earlier report on the same subject, including a view of an illegal immigrant's bottom after one stroke of the rotan. A minute film showing several genuine judicial canings in prison.

Very graphic - not suitable for squeamish viewers. Not suitable for squeamish viewers. Full-length version of a stroke caning for which we previously had only an "edited highlights" version. In fact, it was never administered at all. Includes an interview with her. This was one of three, the first-ever canings of women in Malaysia A number of court-ordered whippings are shown being administered.

A video clip of Saudi JCP. Prisoners are seen being beaten on the soles of their feet. Not for squeamish viewers. Three video reports. Video report from the scene of the crime, April TV report gives background to the case. A very unpleasant scene, made worse by the stupid manner in which it is carried out. Five films. Five clips of formal if illegal CP by police or prison officials.

Members of a commando unit in the Malaysian army get an unofficial on-the-spot caning in front of their comrades. This is a real punishment, not a token ceremony. A present-day British soldier is "sentenced" by his mates to a pants-down slippering. It is a light-hearted affair, but a real punishment none the less. The clip relates to a supposed 'controversy' about caning for teenage soldiers at army apprentice school.

Also another brief clip, evidently from out-takes filmed for the same item but not used , of army lads discussing the choice between taking a caning and being confined to barracks. In fact the 'controversy' was manufactured, and CP for British army boys was accepted as quite normal within the service though rarely mentioned outside it until the cane was abolished in about Three young men undergo what appears to be a somewhat symbolic punishment.

Senior pupils in a classroom in Iran have to put up their hands for punishment with a yardstick. In a classroom somewhere in Iraq, several pupils are made to hold out their hands to be punished by their teacher with what looks like a small rubber strap.

Soldiers assist in holding two secondary schoolboys down while their headmaster whips them. Four clips. Twelve clips. Seven teenage boys are disciplined with a thick stick. Mother says son, 11, was punished too severely; interview with Education Minister; pictures of alleged bruises on buttocks. TV news item includes brief glimpses of classroom canings at a private high school in Bloemfontein. Female students caned on the hands. News item Oct with video of the punishment.

Several schoolgirls receive six strokes of the cane across the seat of their skirts. Improved version 5 Two younger girls are given light-hearted taps with a cane.

This one is serious and not in fun at all. Seven more clips. An Australian documentary reports on caning in Korean schools and gives the pros and cons. TV news report in Korean shows students presenting their teachers with gifts of punishment canes, sent by their parents to help keep them in line. With news item. In the dormitory of a boarding school in Tonga, a mass whacking of teen boys by prefects that goes on for nearly 20 minutes.

Also an Australian TV news item about the controversy excited by the case. In the second part, the show's presenter is persuaded to take a caning from a real schoolmaster. Segment from a daytime TV chat show discussing a survey which found that many parents would like to see corporal punishment reintroduced in schools.

Michael Moore has a fine old time sending up the Brits and their penchant for corporal punishment. See those School Dinners whackings in full! Comedy at its best! Buckley Jr.

The Court of Appeal rejects a Christian school's claim that the ban on CP is a contravention of human rights. BBC TV news report in which present-day students are shown how the belt was administered, 25 years after it disappeared from Scottish state schools. Clip shows tawse being made, staged shots of tawse in use, report on implications of court judgment for CP in UK schools. Page 1. Nine clips of real-life American school paddlings under way.

Page 2. Six more clips of real-life American school paddlings under way. One of the spanked students is interviewed. Part of the spanking is shown. Is transient bruising "bodily harm"? One middle school that reinstated CP found its attendance rates rose significantly. Two clips from North Carolina and one from Georgia look at the state of play over school paddling in specific places.

Some wish to abolish CP. Five clips from Texas, four of them covering a controversy about male administrators spanking girls, the other from a district where paddling is alive and well and everybody is happy; and one clip from a Florida district considering reintroducing CP. Kenneth Whalum of the Memphis TN school board, who wants paddling brought back. Bruises are seen. Schools in rural Texas explain their paddling policies, for which there is local support.

A senior high-school student says he prefers receiving CP to other punishments. A student describes his paddling. PLUS: actual footage of one of the beltings caught on camera.

Carolina, Oct Report gives a Texas perspective. Carolina district with a relatively high spanking rate, but a low drop-out rate. Two brothers were paddled for chronic tardiness to school. Their father supports CP but believes the swats were excessive. The elder boy, 17, talks about his punishment. TV news report from Oct A new report notes that paddlings are high in Alabama. A local TV report Aug finds differing opinions, and interviews a school superintendent who says many parents support CP.

Barbara Norton introduces House Bill While one Florida district decides to abandon the paddle, a news TV crew visits another district where CP is still used, but only at elementary level and only by parental request.

The boy describes his punishment. Not everyone agrees. There is a brief and distant glimpse of a paddling caught on a security camera.

Two coaches are fired for illegal paddling in Chicago schools. Two TV news items from September Ring any bells, ladies? I'm eighty years old and my wonderful husband passed fourteen years ago. Twenty one years ago I found at age fifty nine I was still not too old to be taken over his lap for a very sound very bare behind correction!

It was not once but actually two times that year and I remember them well because they were sound enough to remember and I was so shocked at still getting a spanking after approximately seven years of not needing one.

I went almost or just over a year of marriage I was married at age twenty one before my first trip over his lap. A shocking but well deserved discovery! I'd come to find it wasn't always a secret nor was it a rarity. Not every wife got spankings but I surely did as did some of the other women I knew including my older sister. Never heard anything from my younger Accepted? Heck yeah! I was about twenty four, married three years and spent the day over at my parents.

I complained about my husband repeatedly. Mother gave some good advice and experiential wisdom including "stop complaining and don't air your personal matters to others.

I wasn't listening or taking her advice, I wanted to complain. My husband picked me up. Just prior to leaving Mother let my husband know that I "needed paddling. She quickly said I was lucky she wasn't taking her belt to me herself.

My told my husband of our my behavior. He thanked her telling her he'd take care of things. He took my waist told me to apologize to Mother. She didn't see it but he'd lightly patted my rear end. I obeyed. The ride home was fine but I figured there was a good chance I might be getting it soon. Well at home the front door was barely shut before my husband put his foot onto the stairs, put me over his knee and spanked me soundly right in the foyer! I cried, and learned my lesson but still went upstairs and got the hairbrush on a bare bottom.

Lucky the front door had been closed, but I both heard my neighbor get a spanking once and she'd heard me get it. We had friends at the Country Club and some of those wives still got it at home. In exchanging stories we'd hear or say to each other things such as; "Oh if I did that Insert our husband's name here would give it to me good. I remember one gal saying "she'd be over Bill's knee everyday for a week" if she did such and such. And in her case it was probably true as we knew pretty well that she received spankings frequently.

She could be a handful around us so we could only imagine her at her home. I rarely admitted to being disciplined but at times you could just gather when something occurred, especially if it was shortly before meeting the others. We did have one woman who'd moved up from the South, she seemed to boast about her escapades and the spankings she got for them.

She was fine with getting her behind blistered as long as she was getting what she wanted. Example, She came to lunch with a beautiful new mink wrap,She adored it.

But she "guaranteed" us "Randolph her husband was going to take his belt to her for a good whooping when he saw it later. I don't know if her culture was different but we all kind of didn't understand her "bragging rights" so to speak. She left that day and one of us joked, "Well there she goes, off to get her whooping! We were good girls for the most part and perhaps spanking saved our marriages. Thanks for letting me share, Penelope C. Thanks for breaking the spanking types down. It's hard when one partner me knows spanking is a need and my husband see's it only for fun.

Nicely written. Iam from India and dd is very common in our set up, though it is decreasing now. I feel it is one of the reasons for long marriages here. However I don't practice it as I don't think my wife would go well with it. We practice erotic spanking though. As with sex, every generation thinks it invented spanking in interpersonal relationships. They didn't.

When I was in my late preteens, I came across an article in a men's magazine claiming women wanted to be spanked. That was in the mids! Also, most women of that era knew better than to be disrespectful. According to family lore, my aunt got a spanking over her husband's knee for disrespecting her mother. That impromptu spanking was reportedly administered in presence of my grandmother. During a discussion about how attitudes changed after the s, a woman old enough to be my grandmother admitted she'd been spanked by her father after she was married.

When we were dating, my then almost year-old girlfriend wound up getting spanked with her father's belt for smart mouthing him. Despite her professed embarrassment, I later found out that she actually approved of a badly behaved woman being blistered bare bottom over a man's knee.

Only the past few decades, spanking has assumed an explicitly sexual connotation that was not nearly as pronounced as it was only a few generations ago.

The first I spanked by wife when we were still dating, it was more like spanking my sister. I was less interested in seeing her with her pants down than I was in straightening her out. She later admitted she respected me for embarrassing her when she deserved it. What she didn't tell me was that she was comparing my spanking to the one her father gave her!

She admitted that both made her want to behave. Another change between then and now is that "domestic discipline," a phrase that didn't even exist until well my wife and I were married and became parents, is a considered to be a lifestyle. Back when I was growing up, it was simply known as spanking. The female's age was irrelevant. It was her behavior that mattered. I also suspect that switches were more commonly used to whip wives of yesteryear.

For one thing, they were free and relevantly plentiful before mass urbanization. Although I never thought too much about it until decades later, I remember there was a large "switch bush" beside the porch that ran three-quarters of the way around my maternal great grandparents' two-story Victorian.

In fact, my great grandmother called it the "switch bush. However, either by design or by chance, the bush just happened located beside her bedroom! I didn't think much about my great grandparents' "switch bush" until we were visiting my wife's parents early in our marriage.

They lived on a large farm in a house remarkably similar in design to that of my great grandparents. While it didn't have a wraparound porch with a "switch bush" next to it, there was a rather large display of untrimmed shrubbery beside the milk house a few feet from one of the kitchen doors. At the time, like many newly marrieds, we were trying to adjust to living together. Not wishing to embarrass my wife, I decided to whip her with a switch. After telling my wife that it was up to her whether or not her parents heard her getting disciplined, I whipped her bare bottom until she was suitably submissive.

When we rejoined her parents, my wife was thoroughly charming and delightful to be around. So far as I know, my in-laws were totally oblivious to their daughter's disciplining.

Both my wife and I grew up when husbands could still spank their wives with relative impunity. Unlike today, it wasn't a lifestyle. Rather it was a way for couples to privately resolve marital problems at a time when divorce was still unacceptable and professional marriage counseling was still in its infancy.

According to some overheard snippets I picked up in my youth, it didn't happen all that often. Most of the time there seems to have very little planning a head of time. A woman might be warned.

Then, if the wife persisted, at some point her husband would take her aside and straighten her out. So far as I know, it was never done in front of the children. Nor did women make a big scene. Rather the wife took it like a woman. When I was probably 4 or 5-years-old, my mother got into it with my father in our back hall. Normally a patient man, he took my mother into an adjacent bedroom and shut the door.

There wasn't any shouting. My father never raised his voice. Neither could I hear my mother say anything. Despite a lack of telltale sounds, something told me my mother was getting a spanking. Although the events I witnessed were spellbinding, memorable, and probably contributed to my interest in spanking, they weren't traumatizing. My sense of childhood justice concluded my mother got spanked for throwing a temper tantrum.

Perhaps one reason was I'd seen the girl my age next door get a spanking from her mother for engaging in a similar behavior. Several minutes later, my father came out of the bedroom. He went into the basement. A little while later, my mother emerged. She had what may be best described as an embarrassed look on her face. Without a word, she went into the kitchen.

That night at supper, they both seemed perfectly normal. Years later, my mother told me that wives sometimes got spanked by their husbands. By that time, that was something already knew. One of my friends had come across one of his father's mens magazines.

In it was an article claiming that sometimes women what a man to spank them. A girl in the neighborhood said her mother admitted having to also take a spanking from her daughter's father they both disobeyed him. The best insight I received came from the mother of one of my friends one summer.

She was supposed to take us swimming at a state park. Normally this fun loving mom went swimming with us. Only this time she didn't bring her bathing suit. When her son asked her why, she snapped that it was none of his his business. After a few moments of refection she added softly in one of those moments of absolute honesty, "Okay, since I expect you to tell the truth; I've got marks; I got spanked. This was a really great article you've written. After 20 years of marriage and though I still can't say I'm really used to it, like it or not, I've been spanked soundly at least a few times.

I now realize, especially after reading lots of feedback on the net, that I'm lucky it hasn't been more often. My husband recently saw me becoming testy, argumentative and I know I was getting just downright ornery and sassy.

My husband's facial reaction was priceless when I was the one who asked, "maybe it's time for more than a verbal discussion? Long story short, I told him I agreed finally!

I was spanked with his hand then to tears with the brush. We cuddled tightly for a long time afterward and yes I felt much better internally afterward. They even saw and commented at work how I seemed much more lighter or easy going. Don't think they realized I was sitting on a cushion at my desk. That was about four weeks ago. Last week I sassed off to my husband outside at our pool as I headed inside to get sunscreen which he'd reminded me twice already to put on.

Much to my surprise he's not waiting long anymore now that I've realized the benefits of his care and correction of me. He was almost right behind me when I came inside and as far as tanning, well my hide was tanned good and not by the sun!

Any of my bottom that was peeking out of my cute bathing suit was bright red when I returned poolside. Yes I apologized and I'm on my best now. Maybe it was a fantasy or maybe it was wife beating in the wrong sex. Today some of us have fun spanking in our marriages which are only to do with sex.

Much better in my opinion. Having been part of that generation born in the shadow of World War II, I suspect there was actually less spanking in relationships back then than there is these days. Perhaps the biggest reason was young women either were or knew they could be spanked by their parents if they got an attitude or misbehaved. Calling the cops didn't do any good. In many places before the s, parental spanking, paddling, or whipping of a year-old daughter's bare bottom was perfectly legal.

On a practical level, when cohabitation was known as "shacking up," daughters were sometimes subject to being spanked by their parents until they married. Much the same thing was true for wives. Although perhaps not technically legal, "wife spanking" was considered to be a "family matter" rather than abuse. In many ways, "wife spanking" was a continuation of a daughter's adolescent disciplining. Like a lot of young men in my day, I picked up disciplining my wife "where her parents left off.

Realizing we were in love, one of our early discussions was about spanking. In those days, because the practice so widespread, it wasn't that unusual for a young woman to tell her boyfriend how got spanked.

Consequently, much like a couple of my high school girlfriends, my wife told me how she had to take her spankings. It wasn't just a nuts and bolts description. Those experiences were typical. Where my wife differed was in admitted being thoroughly embarrassed a few months earlier when her father announced in their living room that he was going to spank her for talking back to him. She described the shame of having to pull down her pants and go over her father's lap then and there for a bare ass blistering with his belt.

While women were seldom beaten black and blue, some incidental bruising of a disciplined female's backside was permissible. When this happened, it usually raised more questions about what the woman did than what her husband or her parents did about it!

Sometimes, spanking of a female's derriere was expected.

To Spank or Not to Spank: A Case against SpankingThe Center for Parenting Education

Spanking is one of the most widely debated parenting topics. For many parents, spanking can feel like the fastest and most effective way to change a child's behavior. And it often works in the short-term. But, studies show corporal punishment has long-term consequences for kids. If you're looking for alternative to spanking, here are eight ways to discipline your child without using physical punishment. Hitting kids for misbehavior especially aggression sends a mixed message.

Your child will wonder why it's OK for you to hit her but not OK for her to hit her sister. But in order for time-out to be effective, kids need to have plenty of positive time-in with their parents. Then, when they're removed from the situation, the lack of attention will be uncomfortable and that discomfort could remind them to behave better in the future. Although a spanking stings for a minute or two, taking away a privilege hurts longer.

Make it clear when the privileges can be earned back. Usually, 24 hours is long enough to teach your child to learn from his mistake. So you might say, "You've lost TV for the rest of the day but you can earn it back tomorrow by picking up your toys the first time I ask. Selective ignoring can actually be more effective than spanking. Look the other way, pretend you can't hear him, and don't respond. Then, when he asks nicely or he behaves, return your attention to him.

Over time, he'll learn that polite behavior is the best way to get his needs met. Spanking your child because he threw a temper tantrum , won't teach him how to calm himself down the next time he's upset.

Kids benefit from learning how to problem-solve , manage their emotions and compromise. When parents teach these skills it can greatly reduce behavior problems. Use discipline that is aimed at teaching, not punishing. Logical consequences are a great way to help kids who are struggling with specific behavior problems. Logical consequences are specifically tied to the misbehavior. Linking the consequence directly to the behavior problem helps kids see that their choices have direct consequences.

For example, if your child says he's not going to wear a jacket, let him go outside and get cold—as long as it's safe to do so. Use natural consequences when you think your child will learn from his own mistake. Monitor the situation to ensure that your child won't experience any real danger.

Instead of spanking a child for misbehavior, reward him for good behavior. For example, if your child fights with his siblings often, set up a reward system to motivate him to get along better with them. Providing an incentive to behave can turn around misbehavior fast. Rewards help kids to focus on what they need to do to earn privileges, rather than emphasize the bad behavior they're supposed to avoid.

Prevent behavior problems by catching your child being good. When there are several children in the room, give the most attention and praise to the children who are following the rules and behaving well.

Then, when the other child begins to behave, give him praise and attention as well. Get diet and wellness tips to help your kids stay healthy and happy. American Academy of Pediatrics.

More in Discipline. Place Your Child in Time-Out. Take Away Privileges Although a spanking stings for a minute or two, taking away a privilege hurts longer. Ignore Mild Misbehavior Selective ignoring can actually be more effective than spanking. Provide Logical Consequences Logical consequences are a great way to help kids who are struggling with specific behavior problems.

Reward Good Behavior Instead of spanking a child for misbehavior, reward him for good behavior. Praise Good Behavior Prevent behavior problems by catching your child being good. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Article Sources.

Seeking parental spanking

Seeking parental spanking